the Personal and the Global

Busy. So much to do. All my worldly goods scattered between Bonnie's and my folk's house, filling my folk's garage and back yard and shop and driveway, as well as throughout Bonnie's house. Today I get up to find fog so thick it's almost raining. I hope the stuff outside is ok. It will probably dry out when the sun arrives.

Yesterday several boxes of needlework magazines were taken by a friend's sister, and all the boxes of Discover and Popular Sciences and Omnis were claimed by a neighbor. Redbooks and Good Housekeeping went into the empty garbage bin. A host of furniture and clothing still remains to be disposed of. All my dad's suits are still in his closet, but my mom's clothes and shoes fill the patio. A longtime friend who I've asked to help organize this is in San Diego this weekend. I've been checking out Craigslist in preparation for trying to get rid of the sofabeds and dresser and such.

More and more I find myself doing music, practicing with a host of talented folk. I spent three hours yesterday going through someone's book of songs, in preparation for a gig tomorrow. On the schedule today is an afternoon full of rehearsals with folk for a benefit Sunday in Napa and the Jessel thing Monday night. It's exciting. It's stimulating. I'm learning tunes at a rate that matches or exceeds that of any other time in my life, and feel like I'm actually figuring out how this music stuff works.

At the same time, I haven't had a chance to create much original. A couple of little tunes have appeared, scribbled down before the melodies disappear into the neuronal void. No image has appeared since the silly little metal fish I painted earlier this year for a charity auction. I take zillions of photos, with an eye towards using them as inspiration for paintings, but I haven't picked up a brush in months.

I seem stuck in a whirlwind of activity. Daily drives from Petaluma to Napa and back drain ever-more expensive gasoline, even in my thrifty little Echo. As I drive I listen to news of insanity multiplied upon itself. Reality-based thinking is officially passé, but reality seems to be intruding. Logic is scorned as partisan and prejudiced, but even people in the ruling party are beginning to question the questionable policies that have been blindly followed for too long. Millions of folk seem to think that Iraqis are better off now that they've been conquered and occupied, a rationalization that's been used by imperialists for thousands of years, but even they probably don't know that, thanks to the sewerage and water supply systems destroyed by US bombs,%72 of the three million people in Sadr City have hepatitis. Things that would have provoked universal outrage just a few short years ago, like widespread graft and corruption and war profiteering, are now officially totally unremarkable.

Have you heard anyone lately talk about how Rumsfeld, on 9/10/01, mentioned that, by some reckonings, 2.1 trillion dollars are missing from the Pentagon? TRILLION??? A trillion here, a trillion there, and pretty soon you're talking real money...

(I seem to recall that, legally, the Secretary of Defense used to have to get up before Congress and tell how much money was missing from the Pentagon. This was stopped after Rumsfeld had the embarrassing experience of having to stand up and tel them that trillions were missing. So I seem to remember.)

Foolishly, I feel like I need to stay somewhat informed about what's going on in the world. What's the point? Why should I bother? What good does it do? How does it help things?

The answer, of course, is that just finding out and feeling outrage does nothing to help. Only action can.

Action? Heck, I have to drive over to Napa! Rehearsing to do! Shelves to build! Stuff to get out of the weather!

And so it goes. Reminds me of an old song...

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return, we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Joni Mitchell the Circle Game