How to lose weight, fast!

All you have to do is get diarrhea!

Stop eating regularly. Try to get down as much fluid as possible. And try to get some rest, when you're not jumping up to run to the bathroom.

Does that sound like more trouble than you want to go to? Don't think you can discipline yourself to keep to such a restricted schedule of activity?

I'd have thought the same. But no! It was easy!

In fact, there's nothing I would rather do! or rather, I don't seem to have the energy to do anything else...

I had a California Zephyr gig scheduled yesterday in Modesto, and I voluntarily chose to skip it so I could stay home and participate in this exciting weight reduction plan!

Even now, I was hoping to be at a 39th birthday celebration for Kevin Madden, who is responsible for introducing me to Bonnie. But no! There's no contest! How can a birthday party possibly compare with the excitement of body modification, the thrill of weight loss, the accessiblity of a bathroom?

Ok, it's the accessibility of the bathroom that's the clincher.


(Confidentially, I've had enough of this program. I'm ready to go back to what-passes-for normal. Where's the exit? How do I leave? What do you mean, I can't?)